Relational Growth

Meaningful Relationships in life require the selfless choice of Loyalty and Acceptance over Condition or Judgment, it’s as simple and as complicated as that. Unsuperficial sucess requires failure, hardship, and work. None of us are perfect, there is no exception or excuse. How foolish it is to waste time in anger, hate, or resentment. Life is too short, you can’t pass judgment without consequence, even if just to the soul. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have arrived, “woke” is a dangerous illusion.

If you want to grow and thrive, accept that there is no destination no arrival.  Mistakes will be made, people will fail, but choose to love and understand. Question what doesn’t make sense to you, but do not allow the ease of disdainfully thinking you know better. You’ll be amazed at what you can learn and how much you can grow, when you choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt and listen beyond your own perspective. Miracles happen with faith not views. Don’t sink into the pit of condemnation, that is a fruitless hell hard to escape.

A Change of Heart

We can believe anything into existence,

even if it only exists within our minds.

This goes for all things, “good” and/or “evil.”

But know this, if I am not acting in an evil manner,

treating someone evil or with evil intent,

or doing something evil or with evil intent,

I will not tolerate any person’s judgment

that I or what I do, am/is evil. Period.

Please do not waste your time.

Especially if you believe there is a God,

whose job that is supposed to be.

Trust me, the ones you think you need to help,

by “reaching out” or “spreading the word,”

are the ones who would never listen

to someone self-righteous enough

to condone or excuse away the behavior of judging.

You may get a like-minded Amen or Hallelujah,

but I don’t believe you will get a change of Heart.

To Whom We Matter

My life Matters.
My life matters, when I spend time with those it matter to; it’a as simple and as complicated as that. Which is why, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter” is such a powerful and amazing quote. We all matter, that should not be up for debate, even if it sadly is. Please my friends, stop asking why or if you matter! You do. And if you feel as though you don’t, I believe one of two things has happened: you have either, isolated yourself away from those to whom you matter (even if you did not intend to,) or you have chosen to spend time with people who do not value you enough. “Where there is a will there is a way” etc. etc.

I find when I spend time with people that value me deeply (not superficially e.g. “poof, what-do-ya-need”,) those that see me as a recognized, respected, and important part of life, I suddenly feel as though life has meaning and purpose, and I understand or at least begin to understand, why I am here. However, when I waste my time around people who suck my energy, who want things from me but don’t actually value me, I feel depleted, vulnerable, and often useless. When I spend time around people who think so little of me that they hurt me to boast themselves, or use me (or any part of me, including my flaws) as a means to boost their own self-worth and/or jump start their own success; I suddenly or slowly begin to feel as though I am not important or valuable. That may seem silly spelled out and worded that way, but it is not silly, it is real. So often we give OF ourselves so much, and that is beautiful, we care, and that is important. However, we also Need. And that is also beautiful and important, it is human. I personally have been afraid to need, because I think it makes me appear weak, or less-than, or not good enough, etc.  Or because I’m afraid if I have a need I can’t meet within myself, then I will be left feeling empty. I fail to see how essential it is to life, because of my fear.

Need is what facilitates and necessitates relationship. By needing other people and people needing us, it creates a drive to seek out companionship and communion. As important as that is, it is equally important to ensure that the communion is one that is healthy and life giving to all those affected by it. So please ask yourself and assess yourself; look at your relationships (or lack there of.) Are you choosing to spend time around people that you love, admire, care about, and/or respect? If not, do them and yourself a favor, disengage from those that you do not, and re-engage with those who you do, otherwise you could be hurting them as much as they are hurting you… On the flip side, how much of your time do you spend with people that value you (your body, your personality, and your mind/thoughts?) Who care for you, respect you, love you?  This does not mean perfect behavior, behavior is a fickle thing… What it does mean is that the people who make up the majority of your time and life, view you with admiration, love, and/or respect, and have a desire to see you happy and healthy, and are willing to help you achieve it. Love and all those beautiful words that we associate with it, is not perfect, but it should at least be intentional.

Surround yourself with people who lift you up when you are down, encourage you when you need it, push you when you need a boost or a kick in the rear; but more than anything spend time with those that unconditionally see your value, truly, and who never question (or allow you to question) it’s worth. This is usually easier said than done, I know this, but that is why I say it… So that any person out there who is struggling with self-esteem or issues with self worth, might stumble upon it and start on a path toward discovering and cherishing who they are, maybe begin to practice these means of holding on to their value by seeking out people who empower them, and then maybe/hopefully they can grow in their potential for love and hope.
We are ALL Valuable, find and cherish those that know your worth!

Emotional Labor

“There are many small examples of where the work I normally do must be lauded when transferred to my husband. It seems like a small annoyance, but its significance looms larger”  ~Gemma Hartley

Harper Bazaar: Emotional Labor by Gemma Hartley.              The unpaid job men still don’t understand.

This article really touches on an important and overlooked issue. An issue that if properly addressed instead of attacked, could really help relationships (those applicable) achieve more peace. The Author’s explanations and insight are on point, and I love that she does so with respect and understanding toward men (not to say she does so perfectly.) This is not about the character of men, It’s about women desperately needing and requesting a partnership with the men in their lives. Lets not make it a battle, and instead try to understand the needs of one another in their reality and not in ways that are self-serving and/or “easy.” Emotional labor is a very real and misunderdtood thing. Nag, Crazy, PMSing, bitchy, controlling, the famous hysterical, and more, are all words that women have been and are labeled with when they are simply no longer able to cope with doing too much on their own. Be her ally, try to understand, and work toward a true partnership, and I believe any good woman will do the same for you.