Sometimes a person just wants to be single. Why is that so odd?
Now, I realize that biologically we are wired for companionship (that is my belief anyway.) Why does this mean that it is unreasonable, unhealthy, or unbelievable that a person would choose to be single. There are other relationships that can be fulfilling for a quite some time. Also, just because we may be wired for it to eventually happen, does not mean we cannot choose something else.
Just to clarify, I am not referring to dating, seeking, and/or sleeping around without the intention of committing. I am referring to the choice to be without someone romantically, on purpose. Focusing on your own person, whether it be self-care, self-improvement, your education, career, and/or family, etc. Or maybe just maybe someone really just does not want or cannot handle the weight of being caught up in a romantic relationship.
Companionship is very hard, and anyone who says different is either lying or they don’t have a very happy partner. Don’t get me wrong a good companionship is worth all of the effort and time, most things worthwhile take significant work. However, if you are not ready for it and/or cannot handle that responsibility yet, the relationship will be troubled.
Some people are smart enough to know this, and want to take time for their own self growth. However, despite how sensible that seems I am constantly hearing smart, beautiful, funny, etc. women asked “you’re really _________ so why are you single?”
Now it is not the question that perplexes me, it is the attitude behind the question, or rather the assumption. It is asked with an assuming attitude, that because they are smart, successful, and/or beautiful there must be something wrong. Either something about them is not appealing to others, or they are not making the right choices to land a partner. I don’t see men asked this question. Which does not necessarily mean it doesn’t happen, but it does mean that for no good reason, there is a stigma.
Usually for men the fact that they are single despite good circumstances or breeding does not surprise people. However, there are strong assumptions and stigmas that begin to arise as to his intention. If a man is single (passed a certain age especially,) they begin to earn an insignia (at least among whispers and gossip) that they are either a player and/or afraid of commitment.
Now that may or may not be true for them, but I for one think it is fair to give each man the benefit of the doubt. They may have very good and valid reasons for choosing to take a break from romantic relationships and it’s important to credit them that. Now I am not a man so I am writing this part purely based on observation and speculation. Maybe I am wrong and all single (by choice) men really are just players (but this I doubt.)
These assumptions and stigmas are also really degrading. Neither a woman nor a man should ever feel compelled to base their self worth on the influence of another person. Identity is also something that should be discovered within oneself. Obviously when we are in relationship, those peoples perspectives, feelings, and actions/words etc. are going to have an effect on us, we are human after all. However, if you found worth and identity on your own to begin with, then they are minor ripples that can be calmed.
It’s important to know your own self worth so that you can protect and respect it. Likewise, finding your identity from within creates a sense of security and balance that make it possible to be at peace. So do your soul a favor, and keep those waves of uncertainty that can shake you at bay.
So, if you know of someone who is single don’t jump to conclusions or doubt intentions. I don’t think it is necessarily wrong to question someone else about their life choices (when appropriate) but try to accept and commend them for their differences when you can. It is extra important to support someone who is choosing a lifestyle that is not the norm. This is especially important with singles, because they are probably in great need of camaraderie and friendship.
So to you singles who are making the conscientious choose to put off romance for a time, I commend you. Keep working on your life and take pride in who you are as an individual. The time you spend building yourself will be well worth it. When the timing is right for you to share yourself and time with another person you will be all the wiser and more balanced for it.
In the Meantime make time to relax and rejuvenate.
My favorite way to enjoy
them is in a diffuser, it so
beautiful and calming.